untitled

Ada yang berbeda denganku belakangan...
No need someone else to told what exactly happen, I can't see it by my self
Belakangan... aku sering memikirkan seseorang
Belakangan... jantungku berdetak dua kali lebih cepat
Belakangan... aku jadi lebih bersemangat kerja
Belakangan... entah kenapa, aku selalu ingin tahu tentangnya
If he knows....
Is he still want to talk with me?
Is he still want to contact me?
Is he still want to reply my message?
Ini kegilaan yang menyenangkan
Yah
Aku seperti orang gila

it's happen again

aku pikir perasaan ini nggak akan datang lagi. At least, datangnya belakangan. Sekarang ini hampir nggak punya waktu untuk memikirkannya. Bahkan, memikirkannya aja udah ngeri. Aku pikir, nanti akan ada saatnya aku benar-benar fokus memikirkan ini. Tapi ternyata hampir setiap saat aku justru mengingikan perasaan ini. Mengalaminya. Tenggelam di dalamnya. Nggak peduli bagaimana nanti di belakangnya.
Dan sekarang, ketika perasaan itu datang, aku mengalami apa yang semua orang dan aku sendiri alami jika jatuh cinta. Bahagia saat tahu dia memperhatikanku secara khusus. bahagia saat dia menanyakan tentangku ke orang yang dekat denganku. Bahagia saat tahu dia memikirkanku. Tapi di sisi lain aku juga khawatir ini semua nggak akan lama. Sering aku mengalami perasaan ini, tapi akhirnya hanya jadi harapan kosong karena dia nggak memiliki perasaan yang sama denganku. Tapi kalau dengan yang ini, entahlah. Aku nggak tau kenapa aku senang dia memikirkanku. Tapi di sisi lain, aku juga takut kalau ternyata nanti bukan dia orangnya. Aku pasti kecewa lagi nanti.. diam-diam aku berdoa pada Tuhan, semoga dia. Tapi apa dia tahu nantinya? Mungkin nggak Tuhan mau memberitahunya?

sucks!!!

Aku nggak tau apa yang diinginkan orang yang lagi mendengarkan radio sebenarnya. Setahuku, mereka mendengarkan radio untuk mendapatkan hiburan. Tapi aneh jika kemudia mereka merasa berhak untuk mengendalikan radio. Harus memutar lagu yang mereka pesan, harus membaca sms yang mereka kirimkan, menuruti apa yang mereka katakan dan banyak lagi. termasuk dekat dengan penyiar.Kenapa aku merasa kalau mereka ingin aku juga begitu. Maksudku, it's ok I was like that in the air, but please don't push me to do the same thing in the real world. Never mind if you want to be closed with the announcer. Aku tau kalian begitu. Maaf bukannya aku GR or something, tapi itulah apa yang aku perhatikan selama ini. Seakan-akan kita nggak boleh menjadi apa kita sebenarnya meskipun untuk satu menit. Oke, penyiar memang harus profesional, mereka nggak boleh kelihatan sedih dan muram, always looks happy. Tapi heran juga ketika aku siaran tadi ada yang sms ke program-ku kalau aku sombong dan nggak pernah menemui fans yang kebetulan main ke studio. Yah, aku maklum saja kalau dia memang tidak mengenalku meskipun dia mengira sudah cukup mengenalku sebagai penyiar. Mungkin dia nggak tahu kalau aku memang agak kurang nyaman kalau berbaur dengan banyak orang. maksudku, aku memang cenderung diam. Lagipula kalau mereka main ke studio pasti aku lagi tidur. Ayolah, malam kan aku harus begadang...
Unfortunately, beberapa dari mereka tidak mau tahu. Rasanya ingin aku menemui orang yang sudah mengirim sms itu dan menampar mukanya di tempat. Bukan apa-apa. Selain dia mengatai aku sombong dan segala macamnya. Dia juga suka melecehkan aku lewat sms.

frustated week

i called it a frustated week or perhaps a frustated month. it has been a month -more- since i follow the training at Bandung, East java. After that, i felt that all of my days are frustating. This one month and a half, there's so many things to do. renamed, input data, and others. I almost don't have time for my self. Then, the situation is gone complicated. Everything is become mess and even worst. She, my boss, fault me more and more. Angry along time. And now, guess she hated me.Because of this mess. It's all because of I didn' work as soon as she wanted. Some of asked me to apologizing. I would if she really want to forgive me. But as along as I knew, she doesn't really want to forgive. She'll always told about those person's mistakes. I know, fault someone would gonna make you better. But too much remembering would not good too.

about Idols

first of all, i'm so sorry if my today's posting is made you guys angry and want to kill me :)
all of us must have an idol. someone that become your figure and you thinking about although they aren't your love -what a silly-
but, how far are you like them? you are a fan of them or their biggest fan? when we becoming a fan, sometimes we forgot how far are we and them. the idol we like is only one in the world, while the fans are around the world. let's think, become an idol is a good thing right? but that's a right thing. it's impossible one fan with many idols. there's just an idol with many fans. I do have an idol, but the bad side is sometimes i felt that i'm in love with my idol. It sounds silly but, I could imagine that I am his girl, his date, someone he thinking about everyday and every night even the craziest, I could imagine that all of what he's done are just for me. really... stupid. I don't know does every girl thinking about the same thing with me. but, yeah, if I saw the faces of fans -ladies are more hysteric- I know they are fall in love to their idols, but different fall in love of course. You might be really fall in love, or just 'fall in love'

broken heart

What do you know about it? I don't know, I just want to talk about it. Many kind of broken heart anyway. Broken heart to your love, your friend, even your brother. In some cases, to your idol. Everybody must have an idol. Someone, a figure that you really like and become your setter. Maybe you really like him/her deadly or just like. You become his big fan or an ordinary fan. I have an idol too. A singer. He come from Korea, one of country that I want to come and learn the language. But I can't called a big fan. I'm afraid I can't control myself when I become a big fan of him. Beside, I'm a kind of people that easy to fall in love, it doesn't always mean love for a couple. It could be mean, like of something. Just like when you like to a special food. I have a reason to not to be a big fan. Because i'm avoid a broken heart. wise or not, sometimes we fell in love with what we like, in many kind of way to express it. But, for this let's comeback to the shape of love to your idol.
Do you ever fall in love to your idol? I ever, but then I tried to forget that. Actually fall in love is a normal thing. To whoever you are. But remember who you are, where do you live, and many things. The point is, look at our self, before we love or like someone. And ready for broken heart

movie-goers

that's right I'm a movie-goers now. But unfortunately, not the all new movie that i watched. I just watching the movie that I want to watch. And i just watch a good movie. It's a Japanese drama. Well, actually I don't too much like drama. I always guessed that drama is have a hyperbolic story. But not with this one. This is kind of teenager movie, simple but meaningful. And I like with the story. The title is Taiyo no Uta. In english is A Song for Sun. It's tell about a girl who has a weird illness but she always optimist to run her life. Although she just lost her spirit when she tough that the boy she love is knew about her illness. But in the end. However she tried, when finally the death took her away, she still have spirit to make her dream come true and make people around her always smile and the most important, leaving a good sense to everyone and become an inspiration. I'd like to become like her, the main star of the movie. She's always fight till the end of her life. Because, honestly I don't have those spirit yet. But i wish I have it.