THE HAPPIEST PART OF LIFE

Have you ever got it? The happiest part of your life. Although just once along your life. Sometimes, we feel at one moment we had the best part of our life's episodes. But in some moments, we felt that we never feel happy whole life. I wonder, when will I got this best part? When I feel so happy, the happiness that change my whole life. I never, or maybe don't get it yet. I wonder, what Allah wants me to do? Because I spend almost everyday wondering about my destination, my jobs, my life, my future. Everything. It's like, I walk into the circle. I called it circle, because I can't find the answer. It's like never ending worries. I wonder, when will all my questions answered? When I wouldn't wondering again? When I'm walking for work or home, I did asking. I thought it will end when I tried to go, but nope. It just happen again.

Aku akhir-akhir ini bertany-tanya. Apakah keputusanku untuk mengalah dan menunggu kesempatan yang lain untuk keluar dari sini itu tepat? Karena beberapa hari ini selalu aku isi dengan kemurungan yang aku sendiri bingung apa maksudnya. Aku sendiri gelisah, seperti orang kebingungan. Aku menyebutnya dengan berjalan dalam lingkaran. Tapi sejujurnya, aku sendiri bingung apa yang aku khawatirkan, apa yang membuatku gelisah? Semua itu belum terjawab. Aku pikir, apakah aku sudah berbuat suatu kesalahan yang amat besar? Mungkin. Di satu sisi, aku sering menyesal meninggalkan ibuku. Dari mulai puber sampai sekarang, aku belum pernah tinggal di rumah dan melakukan kegiatan ibu dan anak bersamanya. Seandainya boleh, ingin kembali ke masa lalu dan menunda apa yang seharusnya aku tunda. Tapi aku rasa nggak mungkin. Dan di satu sisi, aku sayng untuk meninggalkan dunia radio. I fell in love with my job. But to move, it's so difficult.

dilemma

do you ever felt it? even just once in your life? I did it now. It's kind of a feeling that makes you difficult to making decision. I just have a decision to the next plan. I mean, it's kind of the things that I want to change. I thought it's just perfect. But no, it doesn't. Perfection doesn't come so easy. It never happen like we want. I got so many tears after all. Many. Maybe, one liter ore more. I don't know. It's just a hurt moment. Becoming someone that have no choices and have an ordinary thing it doesn't make proud of. In just a moment, I feel so underestimated, guilty, alone, and hopeless. And yeah, helpless. What can I do next? I'm in a big dilemma. If I stay, some people will disappointed. But if I keep on, yeah, some people will disappointed and angry. What will you do if you were me? My eyes gone sore. Nobody motivated me here. I feel alone. People I called supporters are far away from me. There's no final decision yet. I'm just afraid. I'm afraid to make another people angry or disappointed. To give in? I think it's not a good idea too. Maybe because it's all about my fault too. I always forgetting Allah when happy, and just remember Him when I confused. I seldom ask for His helps, because there's a little incertitude in my heart. Can I pass it? Without hurt?